Pastor, my husband pretended to be a good man just for me to marry him. But since we married, he's been a completely different person. What do I do?

 "Pastor, my husband pretended to be a good man just for me to marry him. But since we married, he's been a completely different person. What do I do?"

That's a lot to take in, but hey, pretence has a limit, you must have noticed something odd before you tied the knot with him. Now you came to a pastor for help, but did you seek a pastor's counsel before you married him? Many young ladies jump into marriage emotionally, and that's why changes in marriage seem sudden and surprising to them.

Courtship was designed for determining compatibility. But the greatest mistake couples have made is that they think that courtship is between 2 people, which means the man and the woman. But no, courtship is like a court session, it's between more than 2 people; the judge, the counselor, the jury, the witnesses, the public and press.

While God stands as Judge to give the final verdict, the counselors would be your pastor or marriage counselor, they'd ask critical questions that your emotions won't allow you to ask your intended spouse. The jury can be friends and relatives, people who would give a non-biased judgment about the relationship. The witnesses do not necessarily have to be human beings, they can as well be your conscience. Many people throw away their conscience when it comes to getting married. It only returns after the wedding.

With this, I can categorically say that you didn't really court with your spouse. He bought you flowers and gave you really nice treats, and the next thing was the wedding. And that's why you think he pretended to be nice.

Anyway, now that you've married him, no man wants to marry a woman just to maltreat her, although his programming or ideology about life may seem like he's maltreating the wife.

For instance, if you married a womanizer, chances are that he'd only begin to maltreat you if you get in his way. As long as you don't try to stop him, you both won't have problems. He's a womanizer, he's been doing that before he married you, trying to lecture him now may land a punch on your face. It's like telling a pilot to change his profession, only God can do that. I once saw a clip where a wife put a pack of condom in her husband's suit case. (Do you get it? If you don't get it, forget about it).

If you married a drug addict, someone who loves drinking and smoking, you'd only become his object if you ever speak ill of him. I can't guarantee you that a man like that will change, but I know that God changes people. So until that change comes, you might have to stay out of his way if you don't want him to get physical with you, that's if this isn't already happening.

Avoid discussions that infuriates him, including discussions that involves money. Get a job or start a business, do all you can to take care of your children (most men only begin to show their true color after they have a child with the woman). Support your husband, despite his flaws, always speak positively towards and about him. Remember that although he may have the worst character, God is still thinking on how to bless him. Pray for him continually.

I know a woman who raised 3 of her children to University level. Her husband was a deacon in church but became a heitist few years after marriage. Since that year, he refused to take care of the homefront. She literally takes care of everything, including feeding. Ofcourse she and her husband argue here and there, but there's never been a record of domestic violence. She still respects him, despite all she does for the home. The last time I checked, he still hasn't changed, even though he had to attend church for his daughter's wedding.

Am I in anyway supporting the man, no! Rather, I'm trying to save you from emotional torture. If you don't want to divorce him, then you have to adopt this.

My prayer is that as many woman who are current going through this kind of situation, may God grant you strenght and favour to overcome, in the name of Jesus!

I hope this has brought deliverance to someone.

Remain ever blessed!

#EmekaAnslem